Not so stable (but getting there!)
Monday, February 22, 2010

I'm going out for the first time as a single girl this Thursday. I've been to the pub a few times and it was ok fun, but now I'm going out with girls with whom I always stay out 'till the lights are turned on. We'll go out to dinner first and then hit some dancefloors. Too bad the floors in our city are not that exciting but it will be a weird first for me so it'll be exciting enough. I'm looking forward to it but also not 'cause I always call B when I'm tipsy, ask where he's at and tell him I love him. Don't wanna be doing that so maybe I'll give my phone to one of my friends!

I was at Sandy's place yesterday and she told me she thought it'd be better to call it quits and that she also thinks he has cheated on me in the past. She won't say if she heard it from Conrad but I have a feeling she has. She also told me B cheated on his ex-girlfriend lots of times, Conrad always had to cover for him. B never told me that. So, it's good to be talking to friends who know him too. I don't know what I will do to get through the first few weeks but I'm doing alright. I'm not jumping into the arms of other men, just hang out here and there, planning my first outings and also planning some vacays. The first ones in what feels like ages without B.

I'll be going to Madrid in April with a girlfriend (her parents have an apartment there) and the South of France in May with Krissy and a friend of hers whose parents have a house (with pool!) there. And also South America and the Carribean by the end of the summer where my Dad and an old high school friend lives, maybe around my B-day. The great part of it is that I'm gonna be couchsurfing/staying in the spare room so I'll have more money to play with:-)
Plus, in August Krissy, Emily and I will be going to Lowlands a three day Dutch music festival. And also a one day rave festival in summer, B and I go together every year to one of those so I'll be with my friends for the first time this year. Yeaah!

So while I'm still a bit of a homebody right now and licking my wounds of the break up of 2010, I have a fun filled summer planned. I feel like Bambi on ice, you know, not standing firm on solid ground AT ALL emotionally but I'm getting there and my future's looking bright.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)