Am I Macauley?
Saturday, February 20, 2010

I got a text from B's best friend Conrad to meet up this week. Maybe he talked to B and heard how fucked up we are. Last night and this afternoon B and I called and emailed. It was intense: bawling, pointin' fingers but also room for jokes. We have such a great friendship underneath or weaved through our fucked up shit. I really couldn't sleep tonight and had a headache all morning but I had to go to a family thing. It was ok, but I'm not really myself.

My brother and I talked in the car. I asked him how long this fucked up feeling'll last. He said this heartbroken phase could last six months and that it depends on how fast I have another dude to distract me from B. But I always do that. Fill a void with another human. And I can't do it this time. I'm too heart broken and now I'm sitting here on Saturday evening, BLOGGING! When I was with B I partied my ass off and now I'm home alone.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)