What in the world?!
Monday, January 19, 2009

My cancer stricken MIL told me this Saturday evening that she doesn't like the fact that I go out every weekend.... nigga whut?!

My own parents don't even say such things to me, where do other people get the nerve to give me shit like that? My parents are happy that I finished school and that I'm working now and living life like I want to.

She is very sick so I didn't react like I wanted to, I was also a bit flabbergast so I just said I work all week and that it's very hard for me to act all grown and boring 5 days a week and that I really need to let my hair down on weekends. B is more than welcome to come along but he isn't so into partying anymore and his friends aren't either. But he's 7 years older than me, so it's quite normal that we have these differences. They'd prefer that I'd sit home with B every night. Have I got news for you, that's never gonna happen! Well, it is, eventually but only if I choose to myself. I'm glad that I have such nice, active friends with whom I can paint the town red whenever I want. She asked me what time I got home on Friday and I didn't dare say I danced all night and hit the sack around 5:45. I'm not 14 anymore!!!!!

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Just finished...
Sunday, January 11, 2009



...watching the last season of Weeds. I LOVE IT!!

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Decisions, decisions...

When I was younger I depended on my instincts with every decision I made. I left home very early, and wasn't afraid. It was the only way and I just knew in my heart that I'd turn out alright. I dropped out of school too at age 14 and I wasn't afraid of the future, I figured I'd go back eventually get my diploma. And I did. And when I finished high school I enrolled in college like my parents wanted but I dropped out after a few months. I wasn't quite ready yet and it was so easy to quit. I was certain of the fact that I'd go back later, when I was ready and get my education. I did, one year later and it was great! I loved college. After college I wanted to get my Master's and enrolled. I was very sad at the time and I just couldn't force myself to pick up a book. So I quit uni with all the confidence in the world that I just had to do some other things first and that I'd go back later. And I did, I enrolled the next year and everything went fine.

Now I have all the degrees I was certain I'd get and I found a steady job very quick. And now, a little under a year later I find myself not liking the job. But I'm afraid to take the plunge and leave before I have something else. And there were also jobs that I didn't get because of my month's notice... If I'd be available quicker then my chances would increase a great deal.

But with all the bad news about the economy and all the problems the US is having I'm scared to leave. And I really wonder what the hell happened to that spunky, fearless kid I used to be. She was so much more FUN!

I had dinner with Sascha last Thursday and had dinner and drinks with Ann last Friday. And both nights I heard myself complaining about my job and about not wanting to go there anymore. Ugh.

And I've been listening to a lot of 90's rock bands and it has made me think about those days. And I'm building up my strength!

Something's gotta give!

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haha shit you read
Saturday, January 10, 2009

Beaten down like a red headed stepchild...

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Music! And lots of it.
Friday, January 2, 2009



B got me a harmonica for Christmas. And a blender. Two things I always wanted to have. So I'm blending all kinds of fruits these days, and I think I'm gonna hit the supermarket tomorrow and see what kind of vegetables are good to, you know, blend. Maybe celery? Of Zucchini? I guess it has to be soft but it also has to mesh well with fruits. Oh well.

Anyways, I've been on youtube for a while, practicing harmonica. There are lots a good harmonica teachers on there, there's this guy called JP Allen and he's just sooooo nice and sweet and motivating, it's almost sickening. He's an out of this world teacher. You should check out his site.

I've been listening to Captain Beefheart and Blind Melon for inspiring harmonica tunes. I love it! I'm a bit high on playing right now, and I mean that literally from the heavy breathing and all.

When I was around 14, 15 y/o I used to listen to a lot of Blind Melon records. I got a cassette from an older girl in high school, I remembered she had really nice handwriting and she'd written the name of the album and the songs so neatly on the tape packaging or whatever the hell you call those things in English. So, when I dicovered I really liked the album I bought it and listened to it day and night. That's how I rolled in my teens!
I really digged their versatile music and the true lyrics. I haven't listened to them in a long while but I've rediscovered it this week. Shannon Hoon, the singer died of an overdose and they haven't really found another singer who could replace him. So it's sad that you have this 5 dudes who make something really beautiful and meaningful together as a team and then one man dies and it's never the same after that.

There's this clip on youtube where the teen daughter of the singer, Nico, comes up and performs one of her dad's songs. She was just a tiny baby, only a few months (not weeks) old when her dad died. This stuff breaks my heart.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)