Living on my own
Sunday, December 14, 2008

B has been so so down. On Friday I had a sleepover at Cris' house so we didn't see eachother but we'd made plans to meet up yesterday. During the week I'd made half assed plans to go to a fair for rich people with a few girlfriends (I'm NOT RICH but some of my friends like these kinds of scenes and I hobble along sometimes, just for fun. I always laugh my ass off, there are so many weirdos at these joints) and to go have dinner in town with a few other girlfriends in the evening. But, because B comes first right now and he said he wanted to hang out I told my pals that I couldn't make it. It was ok, I see my friends all the time, we'll be going to fairs and restaurants for years to come so that was totally cool. So, right before it was time to meet B called to tell me he was feeling like serious shit and he opted to go play a snooker tournament.

I just couldn't call up my friends and go: "Oh, since my bf has made other plans at the last minute I am free to meet up with you guys" So I stayed in the whole day to just dick around on my computer and do a bit of cleaning. But at night, I just had to get out! So I did call Kim and I went over there and we had a nice dinner and lots of laughs. Lots of shitty stories too, one girl's mom just had her breast amputated because of breast cancer and another girl's dad has been sick for quite a few years, having had heart attacks and different strokes.

In the evening B was still not feeling well, the tournament went bad: he couldn't hit a ball and he again wasn't up for doing something together. He sounded depressed.

This morning I called him and he wasn't feeling good. He told me he'd take a shower and call me back. When he called I didn't feel like meeting up and I told him I was cranky. His voice changed immediately and he said it was ok. We hung up.

I'm sorry and I feel terrible but I am relieved I never took the plunge and go live together with him.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)