This is a time when I need to take time for me...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008













...so I've decided to treat myself! I'm reading this book now. While I've read a lot about her life already I just love Marianne Faithfull and I'd say you can never read too much about her. All those stories! What a woman.

And this book! It's beautiful, filled with pictures of my favourite band in the world! If you like them, like people and emotions and like band photography and just like to look you should really check it out. It's not that expensive either. You also get lots of stories about the boys. I love buying things that are sooo cool!

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Dealing with all the moms
Saturday, November 22, 2008

I don't have a lot of time for hanging out behind my comp. I read blogs at work during lunch but work's not a place to go scribbling down my nonsense.
Things are a bit crazy, with work (I have a job interview this week, too, yay!) and B's mom (she's getting her second chemo this week) and just trying to take time for ourselves too. We went to see a play yesterday and had a late night sushi dinner after that. The play was good. At one point the lead went on about everything falling in life. And he was so right. Regimes, Twin Towers, your sick mom, your saggy skin. That's life.

I called my mom yesterday to, to be honest complain for a moment about being sometimes somewhat irritated by B's fam. It's not something big but we've been going around almost every night and I never did that. So to be around people that much will cause some minor shit and I thought I could confide in my mom. Well guess not. She didn't understand and kept telling me to go less often, and then she told me that I didn't go to my great grandmother that often either so why do I go to my MIL so frequently?! And then she wanted to know what days I went. I was a bit disappointed in her. What did my great grandmother had to do with it??? She was like a hundred years old and I was still in uni at the time and I had to give presentations and take exams and stuff. That was a whole different time. And I believe I have to be there with B and not bail out on him. It's his MOM for Christ's sake and she's only 56!

Oh well. I haven't been going around my mom's a lot lately so I guess that plays a role too.
I'm gonna have lunch and go for a bit of shopping with Kimberly and we're going out for Greek food for B's dad's birthday tonight. Hope you have good one!

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What's important?
Monday, November 10, 2008

I took the first step in paying off my student loan today. Out here, you don't have to start paying untill 2 years after you've graduated. But I have a bigass debt and I have to pay interest. Not a lot of interest, the lowest of all but still. It's a waste of money! So I've paid off a hundred bucks, I think I'm gonna be paying like 400 every month in 2010, aaaah! But if I keep up earning like this, it'll all be good. I've been having trouble getting out of the red figured once again so I started writing down what I make and spend. I can see clear right now that it all goes to eating (out) and clothes. And presents. It's better for me if I start buying cheaper presents! But that doesn't feel good...

I guess money isn't all that important, health is. And with my MIL being sick like that, stuff like this seems trivial. But, I have to look farther than tomorrow. And that's what I'm doing I suppose. I've skipped yogaclass for two weeks in a row because of all the tumult, but I'm really looking forward to going tonight. I've taken a day off today. Yahoo!!

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Please God, help us now.
Sunday, November 9, 2008


Wow, this is a very weird time. B and his family are very sad, they all keep a brave face but these are definitely hard times. Him and his sis are there almost everyday. And who would've thought, but I am right there with B. I was always the one who didn't come around as much as the in laws wanted. But that's just because I have and need my own life, do my own thing. I've always lived like that. My parents respect that (most of the time) and I didn't want any in-laws bustin' my balls because of it. But now I'm there almost everyday too. B and I have been seeing a lot of eachother, and it feels good.

I did went out to dinner with an old colleague of mine of friday which was great, we had lots of laughs. Two duded who were sitting at a table next to us said we were hockey girls with insecurity issues. Nigga whut? Today B and I went shopping, and ate sushi. And yesterday B and I went to see the new James Bond. I DUG it big time! It's action packed, don't expect any suave shit from this Bond. He is rock hard. He isn't glib like some others Bonds. He is believable. He has a killer body! I loved it, I'd say GO SEE!

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Mom
Sunday, November 2, 2008

We found out last week that B's mom has lungcancer.

The whole family is devastated, and it hurts my heart to see my man in such a state.
We've been going over there almost every night and while it's good to be with her, especially now that she seems quite healthy it's weird because you want to be with someone because you want to and not because she might be dying in a not so long while.

It definitely makes you realize what's important: family, friends, health. And what's not: money, work, desires that you have.
But how sick is it that someone has to go and get terminally ill before you get it?

B's Mom (and Dad) are always hasseling me to get pregnant. In the beginning of our relationship I found it very funny and even flattering. I mean, I wouldn't ask a girl to have my son's child if I didn't love her. After a while, and for a part because B and I had hit shaky grounds more than once, I found it very irritable that these people kept jerking my chain. Djeez, I was only like 22 or 23 at the time, I was still in uni and for fuck's sake I was from another family and my parents taught me to get a decent education, start a carreer of some sort, explore the world for a bit, go out and sow my damn wild oats and THEN when I hit my late 20s/early 30s, IF I have the right man beside me, start raising a family. I My God, what was I, a duck in a battery?? I confronted them at one point and they mellowed out a bit more. But B told me that his mom brought up the subject a bit more often these last few months. And I keep wondering, did she know she wasn't going to be old? Did she have a premonition? And now I keep thinking about the kid we don't have and the kids we're going to have and whom she might not even get to see. B's such a momma's boy, and I know how that feels since I'm a real daddy's girl. It would be hell for him to loose her. She's only 56. It's not fair.

It's so heart breaking, shit like this. She's having chemotherapy this week. I'm praying for a miracle.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)