Mushy alert
Monday, October 29, 2007

B and I were going through one of our phases again. Last friday he rang the bell and sat me down for a real good chat. I was all in denial, like, hey were doin' fine, man. It's just school (damn thesis) and work (can't live with or without it) and family (people dying and enough issues to last us three lifetimes-each!) and to top that off he is in the midst of his annual winter depression.
But he didn't buy my bullshit and in the end we really made a new connection. He was right about us not paying enough attention to eachother. Sure, we called eachother like we always do and talk but he was talking about real attention. I swear, I've never met a guy that's so sensitive before. He's way more sensitive than I am. I sometimes tease him for being so soft but on the other hand he's a real guy's guy. He can fix lots of things, likes cars and sports. Thank God;-)

He took me out for Chinese food today (my ad hoc idea, hey I love unexpected dates as much as the next girl but I'll pick being in charge over a suprise any day of the week) and it was really nice to do stuff together that aren't planned. I also liked that we drank beer on a monday, because I don't do it that often. It's a Pavlov-reaction: alcohol means weekend to me!

I guess it doesn't take much to make me happy but unfortunately the same goes for sadness.

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There are wars going on and look what's going on in my mind?

I'm really excited about our vacation but it definitely sucks that I cannot spend money on clothes like I want to. How's that for spoiledness?!!
I have to save for our trip. I can't help myself I'm addicted to the instant gratification-buzz.

Oh but here's where I'm wrong. I can help it. At least, I think I can, I think I can...

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I'm just buggin'
Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sometimes I can be so easily irritated. I don't know why but if I'm around someone too much or for too long I really have to be by myself for a while. There's really no one else but B in my life who I can stand to be around for more than, let's say, 12 hours.
I don't know if that's normal. I don't know for sure if I care. I do think it's a good thing B's my favourite person to be around. Oh well...

It's 15:26 where I'm at. I just called Chuck, a friend of mine and he was still SLEEPING! And here I thought I was a heavy weight when sleeping was concerned.

I spent the night at Cris' house and we watched 1408, the scary movie with John Cusack. He has such a dog's face, not that he's ugly but he's a tad too droopy for my taste. It was ok, some really scary parts but in the end the scariness decreased. That pretty much sucked.

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I love sleep
Thursday, October 25, 2007

Got my thesis back today plus LOTS of feedback! It's great though, 'cause he has given me a lot to work with. I hope I can work them through by the end of next week. That'll be the end of my last course too, I have a presentation and I'll be turning in the last paper in next friday. I'm working with this guy, he's really optimistic and relaxed. So that's good, far better than working with those freaked out gals I worked with in the past.

I've really been enjoying my last uni weeks... Last night I slept for ten hours, 'cause my appointment with the prof wasn't until noon. I do have lots of weird dreams though, I won't even tell you last night's 'cause there was just too much juice, even for my taste. It's way too embarrassing.

I really do love this era.

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Embarrassment all around
Saturday, October 20, 2007

I was in my Dad's house (but not his real house) and there was a party. At one point there was this guy who I kind of digged and we both went to my room (I don't even have my own room at my Dad's house) and made out. I thought of B the whole time but I couldn't stop neither myself nor him. So we went on with kissing 'till sunrise and fell asleep. When I woke up I was really scared that my Dad was going to come in and see us in bed together. We snuck outside and got my bike. When we departed the guy saw that I wasn't wearing my bra! I suddenly felt the looseness (I swear I could feel it during sleeping) and was so embarrassed. I looked at my breasts and they were much larger and more saggy than in real life. Like they turned into a bunch of stretched out & overweight pears over night. What's the hell's up with that?!

And then I woke up.

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Witches, unicorns, violence and a thesis


Emily and I went to another city to meet up with an ex-fling of hers. We ate MacDonald's and watched 'Stardust'. It was a beautiful movie! There were lots of lame jokes but also a bunch of pretty good ones. It's a great movie to go see with kids, I'd say. Don't you just loooove unicorns?
The ex-fling is such a sweet guy. Just, the sweetest... But he just broke up with his girlfriend who he really loved (and still does, I suppose) but in the end it turned sour and he hit her. She doesn't want anything to do with him and you can see the hurt in his face. I couldn't believe it when I heard it, 'cause he seems like such a soft pacifistic guy.

A small victory for me! I turned in the first version of my thesis this tuesday. The deadline was tuesday, well it was somewhere in June first, then end of September and finally it was the 16th of October. Can you tell what a wonderful student I am? I thought I would be done writing at 15:00 but I needed more time and then I thought "ok, but I will be ready at 21:00" but, of course, I wasn't ready then either and finally B and I went to drop it off at uni at 23:00! The plan was for me to just go by myself (uni's 1,5 hour trip away, using public transportation) but B was very kind and drove me there. I have an appointment with my prof this thursday to give me feedback and then I'm gonna give myself two or three weeks to make the adjustments.
I really hope I have that damn master's degree by the first week of November.

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Don't have any adventures to tell you about...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007












... but I do have this picture for you!






I'm too old for this shit and it's my own doing
Saturday, October 13, 2007

Ugh. Working on school all weekend! I'm gonna catch me some Zzz's so I can get up bright and early tomorrow morning and work on school some more! I am so glad when this whole study-business is a wrap. But I guess working 40 hours a week (or more) isn't so much fun either so I guess I'll just enjoy this while it lasts.

I am reading a really nice, funny book right now:


That Mr. Twain sure knows how to write! Hope y'all have a good weekend!

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I said sorry and I meant it.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I'm tellin' you, Skeletor was living in my damn closet and the only way to shake the mofo was to make amends...for real.
So today I found out I am forgiven for stunts I pulled 5 to 7 years ago. I am very happy with that. But I still can't resist feeling sad for making wrong decisions back then. I'm in constant struggle: egocentrism or the bigger scheme of things? I want to put other's first but it's hard since I know from experience that you have to watch your back.

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l-o-v-e part deux and a night on the town
Sunday, October 7, 2007

To clear something up: I really love B. But it's not like I'd die without him, not that I couldn't live without him like singers always sing in love songs. Hell, I've lost the lot and I'm still here.

I was in a little bit of an intracted mode these past weeks. I wasn't feeling well physically and I was a bit sad over losing my grandmother. I didn't really wanted to go outside so I did schoolwork, read two books and just chilled at my lovely home.

Yesterday evening it was time to put an end to the hiatus. Emily and I went to a discotheque in another city, where two friends of ours are doorbitches. I was a little apprehensive, like what if I really didn't like being there, or what if I'm just not ready to go out and have a good time. It turned out I didn't have to worry at all!! We danced the night away and we had lots of laughs, I love to act a fool and we're both very good at it. A one time lover of Emily hung out with us the whole night and he was so so sweet. I met him only one time before and he and Em were attached at the lips that whole night. I texted her when I got home that she should marry him and volunteered to be their bridesbiatch.

One thing was weird though, I got a disproportionate amount of male attention last night. Seriously, they really didn't take no for an answer. I used the excuse that I had to go to take a dump two times (if I can't shake them then I use really bad manners to scare them off). Both times the guy had followed me to the bathroom, unbeknownst to me, and was waiting outside to talk some more. Hello?! I just told you I had to take a fuckin' shit?!
And this morning it hit me. I stopped taking birth control pills since two weeks. I'm just fed up with popping a pill every damn day. Maybe guys can "smell" that I'm a fertile???

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l-o-v-e
Saturday, October 6, 2007

I read an interview with Mariah Carey (Yeah, yeah I KNOW). And what she says about love is exactly what I've discussed in the past my friend Karolyn! I haven't had a love-song-like relationship in my adult-life. I remember having them in my teens but I suspect that was all just projection and/or infatuation. Not the real deal. Not love. Is that normal? I guess it is since life isn't a pop song?
On whether she believes in love:“With a human being I don’t know, but
definitely with a pet. [Laughs.] I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a
relationship of the caliber I write about in my love songs.”

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My poor litte nephew
Thursday, October 4, 2007

Upper: I had borrowed three books from my uni's library that I didn't turn in. I was like, 3 months late. Yesterday a guy said on my voicemail that I had to return them before sunday, otherwise they would take drastic measures i.e. send someone to collect the money. I immediately brought the books back today, apologized and didn't have to pay a thing. Yay!

Downer: Bor, my favourite little nephew has lymfe-infection too. He is in the hospital now and they had to remove pus out of his lymfomas. I can't believe we both have lymfe-infection. And he's only three years old! My uncle said even Top Gun couldn't cheer him up. Now that's serious. I'm so sorry I can't visit him since they live in Austria.

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Is my body trying to tell me something??
Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I'm feeling a bit down. Maybe it'll blow over but I'm not in the mood for anyone right now. I don't want to hang out, don't wanna see a movie, don't wanna dance, don't wanna drink. Something's definitely wrong with me for not wanting to do these things! Weeks go by when that's all I ever do!
I went sailing with some friends two weeks ago and I'd left my bike at Marianne since then. I finally picked it up today but when Marianne opened her door to have a chat I couldn't really be my sunny self.

Who am I kidding, this isn't going to blow over. I had a lymfe- infection a few weeks ago (when I went to Paris) and I thought it was going to be alright after being on anti-biotics twice since then. But I still have the tummy aches and the doctor says I have to wait until two weeks from now to check if everything is alright with me. On top of that he said my sugar levels are not ok. I'm not hypochondric at all (that's B's job;-) but I am a bit worried about my health. My grandma, who has just passed away had diabetes, and so do a few of my uncles. Whenever I sneeze or blow my nose or tense my abdominal-muscles my tummy hurts in a nagging way. I've never had abdominal pains like this before, I do have pains when I have my period but that's different because I know what they are. And this, I don't know what the hell this is. I can't even work out because I'm afraid I'll hurt something in my belly.
The good news is that my bloodcells, hormone-levels, kidneys and all the other stuff was fine. He even said I had a beautiful cholesterol...gee, thanks Doc!

And this is from a girl who was never sick in her youth and was always the tough, strong one. My brother was the one who was always sick since birth and had to have operations and stuff. And this can't be my age, can it, I'm 26 for fuck's sake!!!

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Fart'n 'n Burp'n
Monday, October 1, 2007

A good friend of mine, and also my most prettiest, best dressed (not expensive but funky, fun clothes) and sweetest said to me once: "I never fart nor burp in front of my boyfriends!".
That's a good way to go.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)