Just lettin' my hair down
Sunday, April 29, 2007

My girl Cris turned 26 yesterday and there was an old school birthday dinner, held at her new place with aunts, uncles and other relatives. They had really good food and drinks, so that's always good especially since I went downtown that afternoon to buy her a present and ended up drinking too much wine with Karolyn and some of her girlfriends. I'm such a cheap drunk and the only antidote for me is food! All the girls including Karolyn's mom are single and they were all talking about how they don't need men and how fantastic single life is. It was funny to me because that whole afternoon the only subject of our conversations was guys/boys/men. Guess they kinda need men after all;-))
One girl made the lamest remark: "Before I go home with a guy I have to see how big his dick is first. I have rights and my right is big dick". Are you kiddin' me?? That was definitely my cue to leave and go to C's B-day party.

After eating away my tipsy-ness we went to town with a bunch of girls to go barhopping. They were also all single girls looking for some action. I joked around all night drinking more and acting obnoxious. It was C and mine's mission to get her a guy. So we scanned the place all night, and the verdict was always "naaah, too skinny" or "Djeez, he looks like a neo-nazi" and "definitely gay". In the end she went home with a sort-of ok looking guy. She called me this morning to tell me he left his socks with her. When I asked her if he was any good, she told me it was becoming more and more blurry since she was kinda out of it last night.

I really like hearing all these single-girls war stories from my friends but I'm so happy to have a fairly decent man by my side who I love very very much. Even if he was acting like a bit of a jerk last night. I think he was a little bit fucked up 'cause I was out all day and night drinking, laughing and just basically lettin' my hair down. Come to think of it, that's what I've been doing the last three days. Oh well, guess that comes with the territory.

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Why o why?
Thursday, April 26, 2007



I find my bf exceptionally sexy when he's fixing his car. Is it unacceptably selfish to think it's too bad the car hasn't broke down in over a year? I know, I know; I'm so pathetic!


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Once a cheater
Tuesday, April 24, 2007

My girl Karolyn, who's having the shittiest time with her- at the moment- ex came to dinner tonight. He cheated on her with his ex in a club (?!). They were gonna to try to work things out because they love eachother so much. Well, all they did was drive eachother crazy these past few months. It would have only worked if he did every damn thing she said but it just doesn't work that way. She's so frustrated and goes clubbing all the time just to forget things. She was still hungover from this weekend, too much kite flying I guess. I don't think that's the smartest thing to do when your heart's broken like that. I really feel for her but I can't really do anything about it.

On a lighter note (but very irritating): I seem to have eczema or some shit like that. It started this winter when I had really dry, quickly irritated skin (never had that before) and now I have 5 weird looking spots, slightly bigger than peas, in the hollows of my knees. They scare the hell out of me! So I did what every normal girl would do whose doctor is on vacation 'till the 6th of May; check the internets. There was one useful tip: at the end of your luke-warm(!) shower put baby-oil all over your body, rinse one time and get the hell outta there. So that's what I'm doing. It's too soon to see if it works but it sure feels good! I'm not gonna freak out just yet. I'm just gonna turn in very early 'cause it seems that stress and not enough sleep can activate eczema.

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Out with the old in with the new



B, two of his best friends (+ new girlfriend!) and I went to a Cinematic Orchestra concert this weekend. These guys make beautiful music although it's the kind of music you listen to at home rather than to rock out at a concert. B is a big fan of them so it was great to see him all happy and dancing. Before the concert we went out to dinner and I ate a salad which was the first time I ate a salad for dinner somewhere and it's also the last time. I was still hungry after that! When the concert was over we headed straight to MacDonald's;-)

Anyways, Conrad has a new girlfriend. I am good friends with his ex, Sandy and it's a bit weird to be hanging out with this new chick all of a sudden. She's really sweet and all but it feels a bit like I have to put my loyalty aside and play nice. It's like all that time when B and I hung out with Conrad and Sandy is miles and miles away like a distant memory or something. I'm just supposed to forget about it and move on. Yep, that's what we'll do but frankly, I don't like it very much. I'm sooooo having drinks with Sandy this weekend... I miss her even more now!

pic: www.triphop.net

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What law was that again??
Saturday, April 21, 2007

Downers: My computer broke down right when I had to write thousands and thousands of words for some papers and exams. I don't have a job anymore and it is my own doing. I didn't like the job and I had sooo much schoolwork to do so it was better to quit. My bike refused to move an inch a few weeks ago, something with the derailleur or whatever the hell they call it. I left it at my girlfriend's Crissy's place three weeks ago and it's still there. I totally depend on my bike for mobilization. I borrowed my bf's bike and that fucker died on me too! So I'm walking and taking public transportation:-((


Uppers: I passed my exam! I'm still in the running for graduating in the springtime of 2007. Yay! Some friend of my mom fixed my computer and it's up and running like I've never seen before;-) All my files are intact! I used computers from other people to do my schoolwork and it worked out fine. Although I don't have job anymore I did save some money and managed to buy myself a few presents. It'll be the last ones untill I get another job, but there's nothing I'm more ok with at the moment. Last but certainly not least important: the weather's nice out here;-))

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Thanks! You're welcome!



These are the items I've treated myself to! I'm not really sure about the bathing suit, I always wear bikini's and the leopard print all over my body might be a bit too wild and daring for me. If it is, I'll send it back and order the bikini. I don't know but I like the new animalprints! They're fun!

Yesterday B took me out to dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant. The service is not fantastic, but the food is the best and the atmosphere is just great! It's not a real big place and in the middle of the restaurant there are a whole bunch of toys, crayons, little tables and other kid's stuff. The children are running around everywhere and there's always some kid crying. I'm not a mom but I guess that's what kids do sometimes, you can't really blame anyone for that. It's the only place in our city, that I know of, that's so childfriendly and the parents don't have to be embarrassed like in other restaurants. Next stop was the arcade at the beach where we kicked some zombie-asses. I love "House of the dead 4"!! In the end we drank a few beers at a pub and headed home. I had a good day indeed!

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Happy days!
Friday, April 20, 2007

I nailed the exam!!! My hard working weeks paid off! We still have to turn in two papers this monday so I'm not exactly there yet but they're not as strict with papers as they are with exams. This professor's a real ball-buster though, so it ain't over 'till it's over but I am laughing none the less :-D

So on top of this wonderful news the weather's nice, I'm having a happy time with B and it's weekend!!! Life's great! I am so treating myself to a new bathing suit, even though I'm low on cash. I didn't have a drink, went out clubbing, or went shopping these past few weeks because I wanted to focus on school only... so I really deserve this. Yay!

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Sort of funny in a disturbed way

I sure had a fucked up dream the other night. I was on the beach with my mom and dad. We were all in bathing suits and having a great time. Which is pretty weird considering we always went to the beach with my brother, mom and me only. My dad was usually busy working or something. And also, my mom was always dressed, she was never in her bathing suit. Anyways, all of a sudden this guy comes in and makes the moves on my mom. Chatting her up, putting his arms around him. I was very mad and upset but being a small kid I couldn't do anything about it. It frustrated the hell outta me and I absolutely hated the guy! It was a nightmare, short and not-so-sweet. I felt so weird waking up. But, the weirdest part is, do you know who that home-wrecking mofo was???




Tim the Toolman Taylor!!!! That shit ain't right, man...

pic: www.amazon.com

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Light at the end of the tunnel;-)
Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I've been thinking about my thesis these last couple of weeks and I'm very interested in Alcoholics Anonymous. I took a few courses where they were referring to AA in class and textbooks. It seems that AA has a pretty tight structure as in what they're communicating and how they're doing that. For instance, you have this AA-bible where typical AA narratives are being told and researchers say that at meetings they tend to mold the stories from alcoholics into these AA narratives. Elements in stories of alcoholics that don't fit the profile are ignored. I'd like to write my thesis about this and I've been making phone calls to see if I can get some interviews and of course attend some meetings so I can see for myself. Maybe it's not even like it says in the textbooks, who knows?

It's been difficult, some people are very much into the anonymous part. Whenever I speak to anyone they only tell their first names and they explicitly tell me they only want to know my first name. So we're all like Madonna or something, right? It seemed very difficult to get interviews with people from the organisations and I most definitely cannot attend meetings. That was kind of shitty because I already saw me picking another subject for my thesis, one that I'm not as excited about.

But my luck has changed! Today a man without a last name called me back, and said it would be no problem if I came to one of his meetings. So I'm going tomorrow evening! I'm so happy I've found a door I could put my foot in. And it's also a little bit of sunshine in my head as far as school is concerned. Because if I can not graduate this spring at least I'll have an exciting project to work on in the mean time. But I still really really really hope I'll pass my exam! I'll hear the results on friday so the tension will be released pretty damn quick.

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Only God (and my professor) can judge me now
Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I handed in my take home exam I took about the book I voted most difficult to read for school. The most complicated book I tried to read for pleasure was a book from Nietsche when I was 13. Yep, I was a very ambitious little girl. I only read the first chapter back then because it totally made my brain spin. I thought maybe he was a bit insane;-) I should try to read it again, just for fun. Or, maybe not because the books I read for school are stretching my brain enough already. Maybe that's why I'm reading Chronicles of Narnia and other kid's stuff. I go into total relaxmode with shit like that!
Anyways, I'm really tense right now and I don't think old Aslan and those kids'll get me to chill. There's too much at stake here. If I pass this exam I can graduate at the end of June. If I don't then I have to take another course in September and graduate in October. That would really suck ass!!

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Stop lagging!
Thursday, April 12, 2007


There's been a bit of drama over here about this little fella, Knut. He's been rejected by his birthmamabear so he was put in this plastic box and reared by some zoo-animalworkers. When he grows up his job'll be impregnating lady-polarbears. Yep, using the plural form. Some people think it would be better to let Knut die and let nature take it's course. But I think that the way we live with animals in zoos and houses is already not natural so why draw the line at Knut all of a sudden? I love Knut!!


Instead of blogging about cute bears I actually have important stuff to do. I have to work at a take-home exam about this book:



I have to say it's the most complicated book I've ever read for school. So if anyone has read it and has a nice tip, or insight, feel free to drop a line! I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky;-) Gotta jet!

pics: www.rbb-online.de/knut & http://sociology.missouri.edu

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They could be brothers, man
Wednesday, April 11, 2007




Did you know they're gonna make a movie about Iggy Pop starring ELIJAH WOOD?! Guess they took Frodo outta the Shire, huh? But can they take the Shire out of Frodo??


pics: www.starpulse.com & www.allposters.com

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Djeez I'm buggin'

Aaaaaw! Yesterday when I tried to turn on my computer nothing happened... no ven blowing, no weird startup ticking noises; nothing. Just one blinking little light. I only got that computer a year ago! This really sucks ass! It sucks double ass 'cause I have to turn in three papers next week and give another presentation. So I'm gonna be spending a lot of time at B's house and my surrogate-mother Ann to bogart their computers. Her house is one of my home bases. Gosh I'm so lucky that I can always count on the hospitality of my inner circle:-)

I'm a bit stressy lately and I don't like it. It's so weird, I can have days when everything goes wrong and I still smile like I'm on fucking prozac but these days I feel like crying at the drop of a hat. When B drove me to the trainstation this morning I was so feeling so angry because of the whole computerthing (and sleeping for only 5,5 hours didn't help either;-)) that I cried a bit. And when we had to give presentations today in my Morality class two co-students gave one about kids in broken homes and I got a real dry throat and couldn't really speak. It was a good thing we'd already presented our stuff. Anyways, it's also because these are the last days of this period. If I nail these two classes I'm home free. For one class the credit's are in the bag, so to speak, but the other one..I don't know it's gonna be a close call. I had a one-on-one meeting with my professor this afternoon and that was very encouraging. I'm gonna have to give it all I've got! So my emotions are taking a rollercoaster ride. Just gonna have to deal with it, what else can I do??

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An old friend
Monday, April 9, 2007

Yesterday while taking a stroll in the city I bumped into an old girlfriend of mine. I've known her for about 7 years but we haven't been connecting for a year or something. Whenever we decide to make a date, either one of us cancels or some other thing'll happen that makes us postpone the appointment. The last time I was supposed to go and see the new place she and her boyfriend moved into. I bought flowers and all but she called to ask me if I was still coming and she made it sound like she wasn't up for it; it was also very stormy weather so she had a point there. Still I felt a bit stupid sitting there with the flowers in the wrappings. We haven't spoken to eachother since then and it was a bit awkward to see her yesterday. Not very awkward but still. We just chatted and after that we said bye and that was it. It felt good to not make empty remarks like "I'll call you and we'll get together" and stuff like that, I pull that shit with other people but I think we've been too good friends in the past to act like a bunch of fakers.

So in the end it was good to see her but it also made me sad that we've lost eachother's friendship. We never fought or anything but having boyfriends, studies, work and lots of other people to see made us not choosing eachother's companionships anymore. It's weird because it doesn't happen very often, me and all of my friends tend to stick together. I guess in life you win some and you lose some.

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Yep, I'm still a procrastinator
Sunday, April 8, 2007

Instead of working on the presentation I have to give wednesday about "In a different voice" (which I still haven't finished!) I took photos of the artwork in my living room. Do I have to have a reason ;-)

Got this one for my 24th (?) birthday from B. It's a Chinese view painted on silk. There's a crack in the glass and I got it that way, B said we could fix it but I kinda like it when it's not perfect.



I bought this picture at a place that was going bankrupt so I got it for cheap. It's kitsch and I love it! The colors are great with the rest of the room.




This was also a present from B for my 24th (again ??) birthday. It's an illegal print so that's not so nice of us but when I graduate and get a job I intend to get the real deal from the artist himself. On the bottom left says "To Walt". I think it's hilarious that my boyfriend gave me a birthdaypresent with that written on it!




And finally the man himself. I get a real good feeling from him whenever I look or touch him. When I saw him at the store I knew I just had to buy him...he's so tough! You can't really see him that well, due to my lack of photographic talent but I think you get the picture. My Dad says ghosts like to live inside of puppets like this and that I have to be careful with it. It's the same reason why it's better not to have wajang-dolls in the house. But I don't know, I believe in that sort things a little bit (hey, I was brought up with that!) but I refuse to be afraid of objects. So if there's a ghost in there I'd like to believe it's most definitely a good one!



Writing this post, I realized that I got a lot of this from my boyfriend. Sometimes when I think of our failed family I get real lonely but I'm so lucky to have a not-perfect man by my sooo not-perfect side! I also have ass kickin' friends so maybe I should think of these people more when I'm feeling blue. As an antidote of some sort.

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This is not entirely because of my PMS

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom. It's very nice Easterweather right now so we hitted a terrace to have a drink. I told her how I hate it that my Dad isn't a Dad to me like my friends Daddy's. You know, Dads that help fixing things around the house, or talk to you about the future or just come the fuck over. I know, I could come to him but he's living with my brother and we don't get along. Anyways, I've been paying my Dad's telephone bill for the last 5 months and I've been thinking about telling him that I can not pay them anymore. It's true because I've quit my job so money's tight right now but it's also more because I'm a bit dissapointed that he doesn't want to see me. I know he's dissapointed in me too because I asked him to leave. And I know he's a very proud man so that's the reason he doesn't want to come over anymore. And I know that if I don't pay his bills anymore, he'll not only not come and see me but he'll also not call me. In the two years that he lived in another country he called me twice and I called him like 100 times. I love my Dad but that really hurt me.

I did get a bouquet of really nice flowers from my old manager as a bye-bye/thank you token:



So nice things come from unexpected corners sometimes. Gotta love that ;-)

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I must say...
Sunday, April 1, 2007


I'm reading this book for school, and I don't know if y'all have read it but I'm only at chapter 2 and I'm lovin' every letter of it! I really think it's a must read for all women. I've already encountered multiple eye-openers and I'm pretty sure there's gonna be more where that came from. It's so refreshing to read something this good.

So enough of this blogging. I'm gonna take a hot shower and curl up in my bed and read 'till my eyelids go south!

Update
The cover says: "The most insightful book on women, men and the difference between them". So far it's been about how and why men and women handle relationships the way they do. I always saw patterns, like girls who are too clingy and want the relationship to work so badly, even if it destroyed themselves, opposed to men who in the end were commitment-phobic. Freud and Piaget come up frequently amongst other psycho- writers I've never heard of before but are probably top notch psychologists. Two studies are the focal point in this book; one is a research amongst academic students about identity and moral development and the other one's about abortion and the experiences and thoughts of women on the dilemma of choice. I haven't finished it yet but I already know how good it is. A book with this kind of subject can be written by some pop-psychologist mrs. Know-it-all who irritates the hell outta you but on the contrary: this is the good shit.

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Funfilled weekend and deadtired right now

This friday B and I decided it was time for some culture! So we went to a play from a literary theatercompany; it was great! We had never seen anything from this particular company and it was very suprising that they were so wonderful. It was based on the novel "Death Kit" from the American novelist Susan Sontag. It was the good psychological shit, and they were mixing it up with absurd music and cabaret-like interludes. I was very tired friday night but this play really gave me a kick in the ass. In a good way;-)

Saturday afternoon B and I went shopping, which was really great because it'll be the last time, for now at least. I have to cut down on my spending. I've told my manager that I'll be looking for another job because I don't like working there anymore. It bores the shit out of me and I'm beginning to detest the girl that sits across me. She's really sneaky about trying to let me do her work and since I'd already decided that this was going to be the last month here I totally ratted her out to the big boss. It's not really pretty of me but it's been bugging me from the start and I'm afraid she'll be like that with other people too. So I'm gonna call the temp agency again tomorrow to see if they have another- less shitty- job for me.

Yesterday night B's two best friends Conrad and Arvink both celebrated their thirtieth birthday together. They'd invited 40 people but only 20 or something showed up. And half of that 20 left at 10:30 pm so that was a bit dissapointing... the hard core friends (including B& me) stayed 'till the end and after midnight we went with all the leftover friends to a club where the lot of them went kite flying. B and I weren't up for it, also because we decided last newyear's (you can read about it here if you want) that we were through with that shit. At one point we both thought "hey, what the heck, they're only celebrating their 30th birthday once?!" but in the end we didn't and let me tell you it was a fuckin' great feeling to wake up this sunday morning feeling as fresh as daisies! B was also very pleased with himself to have fought (and overwon!) temptation. Wow, maybe we are getting a little older and wiser? Who knows? But then again, maybe not because I haven't done any schoolwork this whole weekend and it's 10 pm right now and I have to cover lots and lots of ground. Oh well...

By the way, B and I are doing great! We've reached a whole new level in our relationship right now and I'm just smitten. Yay!

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)