Girlfriends and in-laws - LONG POST ALERT
Sunday, March 4, 2007

This weekend was just full of goods, bads, uglies and a lot of alcohol consumption without getting drunk. Too fuckin' weird. Thursday I had sushi with Kim and it was very cozy, we talked about our boyfriends a lot since we both are so clueless when it comes to relationships. After that a bit of clubbing. We drank a lot of sake and wine and contrary to Kim I didn't get drunk or tipsy at all. Maybe it was because I had so much sushi, and the fish soaked up the alcohol. Friday was the birthday of Emily, which was very nice and I had lots of cocktails but, once more, the alcohol didn't have any effect on me.

Saturday was just the worst day ever. My mother in-law had a birthdayparty. I have a bit of a thing with my in-laws. They are really good parents to my boyfriend and they are really cool to me. His sister, husband and kids are also very nice but I found/find it very difficult to make myself really comfortable with them. I like my mother in-law the best of all but in general, the family's a bit redneck-like with a racist undertone. Not directly towards me but to Morrocans and some other races. They really do their best to make me feel at home but I'm just too sensitive I guess. As far as I'm concerned people shouldn't be so damn afraid of eachother and open their minds just a wee bit. I always feel offended when I notice their animosity towards certain minority groups. I had a bit of a breakdown last year when my reluctance to go to a family get together was once again the cause of a quarrel between B and me. When we got there I went all teary-eyed and I couldn't resist the urge to tell them how I felt around them. When all else fails I fall back on the truth. It felt quite liberating but it didn't really help much. They went all "Oooh, but we don't mean you when we talk about other foreigners" but when people say stuff like that I find them even more irritating. They're not educated, and that does not mean you're not clever or nice or a good person but they certainly fit the bill, if you know what I mean.

It's definitely also a mixed race relationship issue but not as much as people would think. I've never had a boyfriend of my own kind, they just look like my brother/uncles/father too much. I just don't think I could get it up with them. And I've always felt right at home with the other white in-laws, they were all smart, nice people who I felt were genuinely glad to have me there. I've never had this shit before. I only have issues with the ignorant, racist, dumb people.

But what do you do when you really love the boy? You go to the birthday party, listen to all the screaming people (they don't talk to eachother, they scream especially when there's alcohol involved), hear the sexist jokes and racist remarks. I hit the bottle from the start just to get to the right level but the booze AGAIN didn't hit the spot. Instead of feeling giggly and fun I went in total introvert mode and just braced myself for all 4 hours we were there. I needed cloudiness in my head but instead I only got clarity. My God I hate alcohol! It never does what it's supposed to do! I forced myself to stay after midnight just because I really do have love for mother in-law. I also tried to smile the whole evening through but when they all started singing drunk redneck songs it was just too much for me.

We talked about it when we got home and B was a bit embarrassed because he's not like them (anymore) but he also hasn't forget that's where he comes from. These are his roots. This morning I had a panic attack: what if I have children with this man? My kids will have the blood of these people in their veins. Do I want that? If I had kids and they were at this party with us, my first instinct would be to get them the hell outta there and protect them from the craziness. In the end we understand eachother's perspectives and it's especially difficult for him because he's in the middle of all this. But I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life.

This afternoon we went to see Rowan, Gwynnie's (B's best friend) one week old baby boy! I love him!!! He was born premature so we had to watch him through glass but it was enough to see that he's SO COOL! We got the cutest little baby outfits for him and a stuffed koala, it was very cool to shop for Rowan this morning. All those tiny pants and jackets and hats hanging on those little hangers. And I realized the only man I can see myself having babies with is B.

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Blogger soapbox.SUPERSTAR had this to say:

Your kids blood and how they are raised are two totally separate things. And I bet his family will be a lot better when they have a baby involved.

March 5, 2007 at 10:33 AM 

Blogger Catlin had this to say:

I guess you're right. But there's always a hereditary part of someone and a part they've been taught/learned.

You think so? Sounds logical... but I don't know.

March 5, 2007 at 12:14 PM 

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)