unexpected connection
Thursday, January 18, 2007

Oweeeh, I had a lovely dinner yesterday at my girlfriend's (M) house. M had a wellpaid-job as a lawyer at a real-estate firm. But after one year she decided to take a walk on the wild side and start a company of her own. She gives legal advise via the internets at low rates and business is pretty good. She threw a dinnerparty for some friends and her old collegues. When she invited me she said the collegues were coming too and told me in advance that I didn't have to mingle if I didn't want to. So I presumed that the crowd would be a bit of a bore. But to my suprise: they weren't! I didn't feel so well beforehand, feeling guilty because I kicked my own flesh and blood out of my house, so I phoned another friend of mine to say that I'd probably drop by after dinner. But the first time I started to wonder what time it was it was already 11 pm. I had a wonderful evening with good food, plenty of drinks and lots of laughs! I managed to forget my sorry-feeling with the help of some people I didn't even know. I walked home and felt good.

This morning my Dad came by with his wife to pick up some of their stuff. He gave me three kisses immediately and that felt nice. I said I was sorry and he told me not to sweat it. He was acting all understanding but in my heart I know he's disappointed. I'm gonna give myself a week to think things through. If they're really going to stay for 10 months, I can not leave them at my brothers mercy. So I'll have to think of another solution but for now, I'm enjoying my quiet time alone in my house. I've been torn between love, guilt, egocentrism and anger the past month so this is like a little peace;-) of heaven.

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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)