Djeez, let it go girl!
Monday, January 22, 2007

I don't feel so good right now. I worked on my research this afternoon, fixed myself some dinner and fell asleep on the couch. Around 9 pm I woke up and I walked downstairs with my sleepy head to lock the door. And to my suprise my father stood in front of the door. He came in and told his wife to take all their stuff. Boyfriend B called me when they were upstairs so I didn't really speak to my Dad. I should've told B to give me a call later on but quite frankly I was a bit relieved. I couldn't face my father. When they were done he gave me a kiss and they were just laughing and I don't know why 'cause it's such an awkward situation. He said "Till next time! We can come over can we?". I was cranky and said "Yeaheah". Then they left. I can't act normal and laugh because this is all a bit too confusing. I have all this frustration in me from way back in the day, some even from more than a decade ago. Like when he totally forgot about me from the day he remarried. Or when he left 2,5 years ago and how miserable I was because I missed him so much. And when I flew half way around the world to visit him for a month he went berserk 'cause I didn't fill his car up one time. How he asked me what I was drinking because he didn't want me to drink the soda he bought, I had to drink the ones I bought myself. And I know it sounds like he's a horrible person but he's not. He's just a bit egocentric and can't help himself. And I know I'm being egocentric back. He was a really great Dad once and i miss that Dad but he's not coming back. Why can't I let these things go? God I'm so over-sensitive when it comes to my Dad, I'm getting in my own way. I wanna just let it go, I'm 25, I'm supposed to be an adult!

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2 Comments:
Blogger soapbox.SUPERSTAR had this to say:

Hate to bust your bubble...but that is not stuff you HAVE to let go. It is real pain. Just sayin...

January 22, 2007 at 5:33 PM 


Blogger Catlin had this to say:

Yeah, you're right, but wouldn't it be great if you can let go of the pain? 'Cause it's not excactly doing me any good right now. Or any other day, for that matter;-)

January 23, 2007 at 2:49 AM 


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This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)