At times like these I'm embarrassed for all womankind
Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Seriously, what kind of idiot is this woman? I really can not resist giving this girl the side eye& shake my head! And post it here, of course. It's quite a long story but if you got a few minutes to kill, go ahead, read it and weep:

“I’ve been stalking Jay-Z more than three years,” Katrina says matter-of-factly.
“Jay-Z is the CEO of Def Jam [Records]. He’s a big celebrity. In my mind, he’s more than that. He is just my dream. I can’t seem to think of anybody else. He is my all and all." Katrina buys every magazine Jay-Z is in, has called him over 300 times and e-mails him 200 times a day, but he has never responded. She even had a T-shirt made up with Jay-Z's and her picture, that she says she sleeps in every night. "Jay-Z’s real name is Shawn Corey Carter. When I’m writing songs, I would just call him Shawn. I make up my own songs and leave them on his voice mail," she shares. "I went to a Web site that has gossip, and they believe anything you say. I e-mailed them a letter, saying I was Jay-Z’s ex. I also went as far as saying Jay-Z liked me better than [his girlfriend]Beyoncé. He’s in love with me," she reveals. "Everything was made up."

Katrina's friends have pointed out that she'll never be able to take Jay-Z from Beyoncé. "I don’t care. To me, I am Beyoncé. I am every man’s dream. I’m accomplishing it by just looking in the mirror and saying, ‘Jay-Z’s going to be my man,’" she says. Katrina explains that when she heard a rumor that Jay-Z proposed to Beyoncé, she snapped and tore all his pictures up. "I want to see Beyoncé and Jay-Z one day in public and just go there and snatch her weave out.”Della says, “Katrina is a stalker. Katrina needs a reality check. She needs to get her life together. I’m scared she’s going to get charges pressed against her and end up in jail.”

Katrina admits, “I’ve been stalking people my whole life. When someone rejects me, I get obsessed with that person. When I was 9, it was this man who went to my church, and I just had a huge crush on him. I called him over 100 times in one day.’”
Katrina describes her stalking expertise. “If you want to get next to Jay-Z, go through his close associates: his best friend, his cousin, his sister. Everyone who is close to Jay-Z, I’ve stalked,” Katrina admits. "My ex-boyfriend thought I was just nuts. And he got to the point where, ‘You choose me or Jay-Z,’ and I chose Jay-Z.”

Katrina tells Dr. Phil that she realizes, "It's something that I need to address.” Dr. Phil points out that Katrina even stalked one of Jay-Z’s employees and sent her up to 200 e-mails a day. “I would think if she knew Jay and was close to Jay, and if I talked to her, then I would be closer to Jay,”
Katrina explains. Dr. Phil mentions that Katrina can’t even spend time with her family, because she has to be home to check her e-mail in case Jay-Z responds.
He shows Katrina a photo of Jay-Z and Beyoncé. “Is that painful for you to look
at?” he asks. “I just think he’s better off with me, because to me, she’s just fake, and she’s not giving her all and all to him," Katrina says. “There’s just something not right about her?" Dr. Phil questions, reminding her that she is writing numerous e-mails to man she's never met. “Well, I feel if I did meet him, that he would want me,” she says.

Dr. Phil tells her she’s obsessed with the unattainable. “If Jay-Z was going to meet a million people, you wouldn’t be on the list, because you’re on what’s called a watch list. You show up, and you’re going to be gone.’” Katrina doesn’t respond.
Dr. Phil addresses Katrina’s dislike of Jay-Z’s relationship with Beyoncé. “What gives you the right to inject yourself in somebody’s life?" he asks.
"I just know that he would like what he sees if he were to see me," Katrina says.

Dr. Phil turns to Rhonda Saunders, a criminal prosecutor, for her opinion. “There’s a difference between a fan and a fanatic, and lady, you’ve crossed that line,” Rhonda tells Katrina. “And if you don’t watch what you’re doing, you’re going to wind up inside of a jail cell. This thing is escalating. It’s not good for you; it’s not good for him. And you’re going to eventually wind up paying the price. You’ve
got to stop, or there’s going to be a police officer on your front door.”
“This isn’t a random opinion-giver. This is the prosecutor,” Dr. Phil emphasizes. He points out that it wouldn’t be difficult to prosecute Katrina at this point. Rhonda agrees. “It could not only be stalking, but it can escalate into an assault. What happens if he marries Beyoncé? Are you going to go after Beyoncé? Are you going to make threats against her because she’s taking away who you think is your man?” “They would never get married,” Katrina says. “That is what’s going on in your mind, but do you understand what’s at stake for you? What you have to lose?” Rhonda asks. She points out that jails are smelly, dirty and dangerous, somewhere Katrina wouldn't enjoy being. "Understand, he doesn’t want anything to do with you."
Dr. Phil tells Katrina, “With my wife and my family, if this was going on, you’d be getting prosecuted right now." He asks Rhonda, “There is enough here to prosecute her?” “Absolutely,” she says. “A pattern of conduct is something that will put anyone in fear."

Katrina acknowledges that she wants to change her behavior, and she would accept help. “What Rhonda is telling you is true,” Dr. Phil says."You’re going to wind up in jail, and unless you like the smell of sweat and urine, you ain’t going to like jail.” At the end of the show, Dr. Phil addresses Katrina. "What I worry about with you, is not just what you're doing, but what you're missing," he tells her. "You're going down a dead-end road as fast as you can go, and there's nothing at the other end. And then you've got to turn around and come all the way back and start your life over again, and that's really very tragic."
This isn't even funny anymore...


What's wrong with you, man!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I love my boyfriend. He's incredibly funny, cool, sweet and handsome. He takes care of me like no one could. We like to go to theatres, have sushi and talk a lot. We both enjoy reading the paper on sunday morning, tune into classical radio and have a nice and slow breakfast with croissants, eggs, fresh orange juice and tea. He dances way better than me and I love it!

But there's one thing I just can't seem to wrap my brain around: why has he been talking about the new Windows Vista for MONTHS now and yearning for it like a 8 year old kid does for Christmas? Is he crazy?!


Guess who?
Monday, January 29, 2007

Now, I know that the guy on the left is Forest Whitaker. But who the hell is that white dude?? He has such an... interesting face.


I'm a guy trapped in a girl's body

I don't know how it happened but somehow I've turned into a 25 year old woman who can't apply make-up. I keep buying the most expensive brands I can find, thinking maybe it's easier putting that on than the cheaper ones. But alas, my mascara always smudges and at the end of the night I look like a female version of Marilyn Manson. And eyeshadow? I'm not even gonna start with that except when I'm aiming at that hot Frosty the clown-look. I don't like the weird taste of lipstick and my lips always turn a bit dry, even with my favourite brand Clinique. I got a bunch of beautiful glossies but they're so damn sticky; my hair seems oddly attracted to my lips when applied. Yegh, I hate that. To make matters worse, all my girlfriends including my Mom are little wizards with make-up! The only two beauty products I can not live without are these:
One of my male friends MB crashed at my place for a month a year ago. Last week he finally came around to pick up the stuff he left sitting here for a year. To show his appreciation he gave me a 50 euro gift voucher to buy make up at a snazzy store. Today I'm gonna go to the library, see a bunch of temp-agencies, go visit my great-grandma who has just been released from the hospital and go pick up some make up. So if you see a non-made-up girl running through the store with her hands in her hair and a desperate look on her face it'll probably be me!

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A slow weekend
Sunday, January 28, 2007

Yesterday boyfriend B and I went to shake our booties to the beats of his dj friend. B didn't want to go clubbing, he was tired but I talked him into going with me. I'm 7 years younger than he is and there are times that I completely forget about this fact, 'cause we can be soO in sync. But at moments like these the age difference is so obvious! It's a good thing we're both very good at expressing ourselves and our needs. I think maybe I'm a bit too good at it;-)

Anyway, I'm glad that we went because one of his best friends C. was there too. They haven't connected very well lately, because they're moving in different directions. I hope they'll find eachother again in the future 'cause I think friends are so important. And even though they're never gonna admit it (it's a male dick-thing I guess) I know and feel they both miss eachother very much. And to my suprise, my dear friend K.J. showed up too! Lots a laughs all around! I think she handles the break up really well and when I told her I admired her laughing ways to cope with it all she told me they were all very thin laughs. Loud, but thin.

I wanna call my Dad to see how he's been but I'm afraid of the awkwardness.

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Dinner, drama and a movie
Saturday, January 27, 2007

Every year when the holidays are over and I've broken all my newyear's resolutions (like flossing everyday) there is something I really look forward to: Filmfestivaltime! Yesterday B and I had a theme-evening. We had a nice sushi dinner and after that it was time to go see 'Hana' a movie by Kore-eda, a Japanese filmmaker who also made the beautiful film 'Nobody knows' (about three kids who are abandoned by their mother and how they cope with that in the urban jungle of Kyoto/Osaka/Tokyo -can't remember the city, sorry).

'Hana' was different; the main character is a pour, goodlooking, pacifistic samourai who seeks vengeance in a time where there isn't any use for a samourai anymore because the war is over. He can't find his enemy (the man who killed his father) and is a really bad swordsman. To make matters worse he is in love with a women who has a great kid whose father happens to be the man he's supposed to kill. In the end they put all their stories in a play and... I couldn't really make up what they were gonna do after that. There were a few stories beneath the mainstory and to be honest, I didn't understand them all! But I always feel like I'm seeing something beautiful and special with movies like this. The sceneries are off the hook and the way they shoot films out there is magical. Also, nothing in this world compares to Japanese humor!

At dinner my boyfriend and I had a little bit of a scene. We both have changed a lot since we fell in love with eachother 3,5 years ago and at times it's quite difficult to deal and work with that change. The child in me wishes everything could remain the same.


Looking up to ...
Friday, January 26, 2007

In her book "Faithfull" Marianne Faithfull is telling it all, from her incredible family line (her great uncle is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, yes, the term masochism was based on his name) to her own carreer as a singer, her love-affair with Mick Jagger, being a hippie It-girl and the aftermath from the 60's and 70's when she beat heroin addiction. "Faithfull" is a fantastic read; Marianne is smart, funny and honest (as far as she knows, she was stoned during the most 60's & 70s) and there are a lot of stories about Bob Dylan, all of the Stones especially Mick, Keith and Brian Jones (my personal favourite Stone) and Anita Pallenberg that you've never heard before.

I'm a sucker for autobiographies. Biographies can also be very cool but I love reading a book from the perspective of the protagonist herself. I loved (x3) this book by Marianne Faithfull so much I immediately got tickets when I heard she was coming to town, even though I had only heard 1,5 song of hers. I didn't care, this lady is a damn legend! Her shows got cancelled because she was diagnosed with breastcancer but thank God she got cured and I heard she will be on tour again this year.


A wrap movie

Yesterday evening, I went to see Bobby with my girl E. Maybe my expectations were too high, or maybe it's because it was 9 pm and we didn't have our usual MacDonald's dinner before because we were both late so my tummy was roaring like crazy, but I thought it was a bit of a bummer. The movie's about the people who got caught in the crossfire when Robert Kennedy got assasinated. They all lived to tell but Bobby, as we all know, didn't make it. Half the stories were such cliches and the way they shot it made me dizzy.

The good part was the acting. Lindsay Lohan really suprised me with her performance, it was the first time I saw her act but I've seen her a million time in all the tabloids. I didn't have a lot of sympathy for her (don't you just hate how the media influences you so much more than you realize?) but I was quite impressed. Girl's got skills. Also Anthony Hopkins, Sharon Stone, William H.Macy, Pacey from Dawson's creek, Frodo and the Mexican guy (does anyone know their real names?) were outstanding. And the soundtrack was just GREAT! I sometimes think I was born 37 years too late.

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The Gift
Thursday, January 25, 2007

Yes, it's true. My blog has been pimped by a certain pimpmommy. It was such a huge suprise, I couldn't have dreamt this was coming. It's so weird to get such a cool present from someone who I've never even met in person. She just decided to give me something without asking something in return. (Or is my mailman coming tomorrow, waving that big fat invoice?) You wanna know who she is? Well......she's the angel that curses like a banshee! Y'all know her name, it's soapbox.SUPERSTAR! Thanks, Misty!!! Can't believe you did that!

I feel pretty damn good right now. I just came home from my last day as an intern. I did my presentation and it went ok, actually. Better than I expected but you know, there's always something to bitch about. I got a few nice goodbye-presents and I'm glad I've finished up the right way. Because sometimes when things don't work out the way I've planned I give up too easy and think "Oh to hell with it!". And then I leave it. I think the time has come to stop doing that and grow up a little. I gotta go, 'cause I'm meeting my Big girlfriend E.W. for MacDonald's and a movie. I'm smiling!

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Lost 'n Found
Wednesday, January 24, 2007

1 pm :-( My librarycard decided to go AWOL right when I really needed it to reserve some books for next semester and I don't have any money to buy them. I'm a broke ass ho for real right now and I need a job ASAP. Aaaaaaaaaaa!

3 pm :-) Called the library and they've found my card. Called a new temp-agency (I hate breaking my loyalty but desperate times call for desperate measures!) and made an appointment for friday. Checked my account and discovered that I got more money from my internship and waitressing at my friend's restaurant than I expected :-) Yay, I can buy the books I need! Or be as cheap-ass as one can be and copy the books at the library (such a drag) and go have a massive sushi dinner with my boyfriend this weekend!



It's doesn't happen very often that I get to see how a movie ends. Sometimes I do but then I sleep through the middle so I miss the part where the plot thickens. I'm not very lazy but give me a movie, a couch and a cup of tea and I fall asleep before the first half has ended. But even at the theatre with all the surround sound and other high tech shit, I fall asleep. And even though I didn't get to watch the ending and/or middle of these two cartoons either, I had lots a laughs while I lasted!


Lil' Birthday bash
Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Tonight I went for dinner with my dear friend K.J. who just broke up with her boyfriend. She was supposed to have a big ass party, you know in a club with lots a inner and outer circle people but because of all the drama we went to dinner with her mom, aunt, and three girlfriends. It was nice but also a little sad. I know how much she misses the boy and how heartbroken she is.

This weekend I went to visit one of my best male friends C who'd just opened a restaurant. I haven't seen him in a month or so and when I walked into the kitchen going apeshit cause we haven't seen eachother in such a long time I saw it. I was flabbergasted (or whatever the hell you call it). One of his front teeth was missing!! Turns out he got real drunk this weekend and went to a bar where we usually go too, and he tripped and fell and lost his damn tooth! He already had an unusual appearance; he's what you'd get when you mix Fred Flintstone with Ron Jeremy but right now :-S. To add insult to injury, he hasn't paid his insurance for the last three months, so it's gonna cost him. Ouch.
I myself was really embarassed this weekend because I went clubbing thursday and I got a bit drunk. At one point my cigarette fell to the floor and I picked it up and smoked like nothing happened. And this is coming from a girl who HATES touching money, doorknobs and the ATM buttons 'cause she thinks it's dirty. I wash my hands 25 times a day. I know, I know my story is very lame compared to his!

And now I have to work at my research thing again, I promised the manager I'd sent her my presentation tomorrow morning. Another 48 hours, and then I don't have to go there EVER again!!


Djeez, let it go girl!
Monday, January 22, 2007

I don't feel so good right now. I worked on my research this afternoon, fixed myself some dinner and fell asleep on the couch. Around 9 pm I woke up and I walked downstairs with my sleepy head to lock the door. And to my suprise my father stood in front of the door. He came in and told his wife to take all their stuff. Boyfriend B called me when they were upstairs so I didn't really speak to my Dad. I should've told B to give me a call later on but quite frankly I was a bit relieved. I couldn't face my father. When they were done he gave me a kiss and they were just laughing and I don't know why 'cause it's such an awkward situation. He said "Till next time! We can come over can we?". I was cranky and said "Yeaheah". Then they left. I can't act normal and laugh because this is all a bit too confusing. I have all this frustration in me from way back in the day, some even from more than a decade ago. Like when he totally forgot about me from the day he remarried. Or when he left 2,5 years ago and how miserable I was because I missed him so much. And when I flew half way around the world to visit him for a month he went berserk 'cause I didn't fill his car up one time. How he asked me what I was drinking because he didn't want me to drink the soda he bought, I had to drink the ones I bought myself. And I know it sounds like he's a horrible person but he's not. He's just a bit egocentric and can't help himself. And I know I'm being egocentric back. He was a really great Dad once and i miss that Dad but he's not coming back. Why can't I let these things go? God I'm so over-sensitive when it comes to my Dad, I'm getting in my own way. I wanna just let it go, I'm 25, I'm supposed to be an adult!


It's almost a wrap!

Upper: This is the last week of my internship. Thursday is my last day and I'm so happy! After that I have a week off, because my classes don't start until the 5th of February. Yay!

Downer: I did some corporate identity research at the company and right now I have to process all my data with a little help from my friend/enemy (I still haven't decided yet) the softwareprogram SPSS. I have to give a presentation of my results this Thursday. Blegh.

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No dough
Sunday, January 21, 2007

This weekend I wanted to withdraw some cash outta the ATM for some serious investments in beer/wine/something other containing alcohol. But my pass didn't work anymore something with the magnets not working or whatever so I have to go into the office with my passport whenever I need some money. This sucks!

It's a good thing I don't have any money in my account, right now;-)


He's so not wrong

Now, what I like about this one is that he seems like the kind of guy who can make you smile no matter what kind of bullshit, fucked up thing just happened.

I also love the fact that he likes to play bongo in the middle of the night. Naked.


Friday, January 19, 2007

Yesterday a pretty heavy storm visited our humble country. It was so bad, my faculty got hit by a crane gone wild. Call me sentimental but this hurts a bit. I love it there! The good part is, it was forbidden to enter the building after this incident so a lot of people couldn't take their exams. Don't you just love postponing doom?


I failed...

After our weeklong newyears hangover my boyfriend B and I decided it was time to quit smoking. I really hung in there but yesterday I went to have a few drinks with K a girlfriend of mine and I smoked three cigarettes, how weak of me. I didn't see her for 2,5 months because she was travelling through Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia. I went to pick her up at a bar I've never been before. At first I didn't see K but when I told the bartender I was looking for my friend, he escorted me through a tiny door (I had to stoop, and I'm really small) that led to another sort of secret part of the bar and told me where she sat although he didn't even know me or her. That was weird. She was with two boys and the four of us were doing shots and having a good time. I loved seeing her again because she's so cool and I always feel like we really got eachother's back. We left the boys and went to two clubs and I was feeling pretty good: I love to dance and think of nothing, especially when there's so much shit flying around and hitting the fan. At the last club her ex-boyfriend came in and he's a really mean drunk; he turns into mr. Hyde just like that. She dates his former best friend right now and he totally gave her shit about it. Come on, it's three years ago, let it go man! A man and his hurt ego, always good company.

K had a very good time in Indonesia the country is beautiful, but she also told me that the people are very religious and they treat you a bit like a whore if you don't wear a headcloth. I'm ashamed of my own people when I hear stories like that.

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Is she for real??
Thursday, January 18, 2007

She used to be so cool...


unexpected connection

Oweeeh, I had a lovely dinner yesterday at my girlfriend's (M) house. M had a wellpaid-job as a lawyer at a real-estate firm. But after one year she decided to take a walk on the wild side and start a company of her own. She gives legal advise via the internets at low rates and business is pretty good. She threw a dinnerparty for some friends and her old collegues. When she invited me she said the collegues were coming too and told me in advance that I didn't have to mingle if I didn't want to. So I presumed that the crowd would be a bit of a bore. But to my suprise: they weren't! I didn't feel so well beforehand, feeling guilty because I kicked my own flesh and blood out of my house, so I phoned another friend of mine to say that I'd probably drop by after dinner. But the first time I started to wonder what time it was it was already 11 pm. I had a wonderful evening with good food, plenty of drinks and lots of laughs! I managed to forget my sorry-feeling with the help of some people I didn't even know. I walked home and felt good.

This morning my Dad came by with his wife to pick up some of their stuff. He gave me three kisses immediately and that felt nice. I said I was sorry and he told me not to sweat it. He was acting all understanding but in my heart I know he's disappointed. I'm gonna give myself a week to think things through. If they're really going to stay for 10 months, I can not leave them at my brothers mercy. So I'll have to think of another solution but for now, I'm enjoying my quiet time alone in my house. I've been torn between love, guilt, egocentrism and anger the past month so this is like a little peace;-) of heaven.

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I sort of did it
Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I'm not the most gutsy girl, when it comes to my dad. He has been staying with me for a month now and wants to stay until October. Nigga whut? Yesterday evening I had dinner at one of my girlfriend's. After that I didn't want to go home. What the hell is that, that's not normal?! It's my house, I pay the bills, it's my damn furniture but they're taking over and I don't feel comfortable in my own house. It doesn't even smell like my house anymore, and I'm very sensitive to smell. I woke up this morning with a bad feeling and I asked my dad to take his wife to my brother because I wanted to be alone. He said, he would later but right now he had to go to my brother's shop. My dad's a muslim and his wife stays home almost 24 hours a day while he goes everywhere. It doesn't matter how nice she is she's ALWAYS here and it freaks me out. I'm all for religion, but we are way too different to be living under the same roof. Me and my boyfriend aren't the most stable couple in the world and I need my privacy. So I called my brother and asked him if they could stay with him for a while. He sounded aggrevated but in the end he said yes, and hung up without saying bye. I'm such a chicken for not asking my dad to move out and asking my brother if they could move in instead.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

If your ears don't hear you're deaf.
If your eyes don't see you're blind.
If your mouth can't speak you're stupid.
But how do you call it if your nose can't smell?


Sunshine in my head
Sunday, January 14, 2007

Don't you just love spending money on clothes? Every end of the month, when my student loan and some money from my internship/odd jobs comes in, I decide to treat myself to some wardrobe expansion indulgement. Against better judgement, 'cause I've been wallowing in red figures since I've started college, 5 years ago. I've been circling above these two items like a hawk in the sky for some time now, but I'm really broke so I'm afraid it's not gonna happen for me anytime soon. But it doesn't hurt to dream, now does it?


Oh My God?!

Saturday, my boyfriend B and I woke up, and it was as if I entered his bad trip. B's an actor but we live in a very small country where you can't really live off acting, the majority of actors has to work a normal job to make ends meet. He's 32, he's been doing this for 7 years now and he's not as succesful as he wished he'd be. And that means every now and then he throws a "I hate my life, I hate my friends, I hate this country, I hate everything, why am i not succesful?!"-tantrum. In the beginning, I was telling him that he should be happy with the things he does have, and that he's luckier than a lot of people. Hey, we don't live in Afghanistan, we have our health, we have people who love us very much! Life ain't half bad, man! But I've learned that the best thing to do is just sit down and listen to him squirt. The pity party went on the whole saturday, and at night we made an appearance at a birthdayparty of a girlfriend of mine who turned 36. It was nice but I was just so tired of all that listening and comforting we left at 1 am. My boyfriend wanted to stay longer but I can be really bossy, especially after the torture he put me through!

This morning my phone rang and it was my girlfriend K who's in the middle of breaking up. She was crying and screaming so loud that I couldn't even understand her and I went over there immediately and found out that her now-ex-boyfriend had sex with his ex-girlfriend at a club(?!) about a month ago. Pffff. Sometimes I really don't understand people. Between thinking about them two gettin' it on at a nightclub, worrying about STD's, having to deal with moving all of her stuff out and the heartache of losing a love she's in pretty bad shape. The weird thing is, because of what they're going through, I'm beginning to have doubts about my relationship too, even if I don't want to. Aren't all men just plain ASSholes??

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Break ups suck
Friday, January 12, 2007

One of my dearest, closest friends is in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years. That's a long time when you're 26. The guy's 38 years old and has two children, the eldest is 17 and the younger one 8. When she met him he was a big ol' mess. He had a huge debt, not from creditcards or something but electricitybills he didn't pay for 2 years and like fifty unpaid speedingtickets. At that point he didn't even open his mail 'cause he was too afraid to face the music. He couldn't even get out of the country because then customs would nail his ass. He smoked a lot of weed with his loser inmate friends(not that we're against recreational druguse but it's a different story when you do it 'cause you can't handle what life throws atcha). He had been in jail for 2 years. He worked at a bar and didn't really have any plans, let alone goals in life. But he was a really nice, lovin', goodlookin' (absolutely not my taste) guy and I totally understood what she saw in him. If the heart is good, you know...

In the years to come she worked on him, making sure he opened his mail, paid of his debt, quit them damn reefers, get some carreerperspective and just live life on the right side of the road. And it worked! They were really happy. Except for one thing: she was frigid. Their non-existent sex life happened for a lot of reasons that I don't wanna get into right now (I just had breakfast;-) but after a few years of pushing him away he began to flirt with other girls and started coming home late. Also, he wanted to go to kinky-sex-parties (they're really popular out here) and experiment in that area while she's not even into fucking him.
And now they've decided to take a break from eachother. He's totally not responsive when she wants to talk about their problems. He's acting all tired of it and just basically ignores it when she's crying her eyes out in front of him.

I absolutely hate him for hurting her, but I also understand him. If my boyfriend wouldn't touch me, I would be out the door too. Tonight I'm having dinner with her, but first I have to go see my mom and go to the library. Sometimes life sucks BIGtime.


The internship from hell
Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Since October, I've been an intern at a medium-sized organisation. It has also been a medium-sized drag 'cause everybody's nice and all but I didn't get any proper assignments, you know, the ones where you have to use more than half a braincell. I asked people a lot if I could do something for them but they were so reluctant, at one point i just stopped asking. It was like a relationship; when someone else isn't putting at least as much effort in it as I am, I'm out the door before you can say bye bye. But I couldn't pack up and leave in this case, 'cause I needed the credits; without them I can't graduate and my mind is set on getting that diploma by the end of June.
Thank God the internship is coming to an end, only 2,5 weeks to go...Yahoooo!


Best band in the world
Monday, January 8, 2007

13 Years ago I was a nosy, mischievious, free spirited, 12-year-old little girl and I decided to steal a cassette tape from my brother. It was a tape of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Blood Sugar Sex Magik album and when I first listened to it, it was mind altering. The melody, the lyrics and the super-synergetic force of the band was blowing my little brain away! It was the time in my life when I began to, silently and in my mind, explore and getting acquainted with my own sexuality and this music was a perfect soundtrack for that (ongoing;-) journey. Also, their four personalities (or better, my perspective on their personalities) made me think about myself and how i wanted to live my life. What kind of woman I wanted to be when I grew up.

Anthony Kiedis' lyrics taught me how i wanted my future mainman to love me. Love me all the way, love me for all that I am. Flea, on bass, gave me the power to let the crazy, mad, funlovin' girl run loose and to this day, whenever it's possible, I always try not to censure her. Chad Smith showed me the importance of being a strong, stable, trustworthy and at times thrusting (f)actor in my own life, as well as in the lifes of the people I love and care about. And finally, John Frusciante, my special one. He showed me how beautiful it is to live your life a kind, sensitive, spiritual, grounded and creative human being. To always try to be vulnerable, open and giving.

But let's not forget the music's just kick-ass good and I love pumping up the volume when I'm home alone and singing along and shakin' ma tailfeather!


A not so good beginning;-)
Sunday, January 7, 2007

Newyearseve we totally went overboard. It wasn't a pretty sight. We went to our nations capital for a party. It wasn't as good as we expected, the music was great, but everything else pretty much sucked; long lines at the door (merely two bouncers for a party of 2500), long lines at the bars, nowhere to sit and chill (ppl were sitting on the floor!) and no extras like nice decorations/party favors etc. Tickets were 55 euros and for that kind of money you'd expect a little more than that. It was so obvious that it was all about the benjamins, baybee. So we got wasted pretty quick. It was a lousy decision; the party sucked, so just to make the most of it we went all the way. We had quite a few laughs, and at one point we were sitting on the stairs (totally out of our minds) and i was wishing everybody a happy newyear. When i'm kiteflyin' like that, i get really social and enthusiastic. In everyday life i'm not like that, only when i'm with my friends or other people i know. My boyfriend on the other hand is a real people person. He's the kind of guy everyone loves, from your grandma to your neighbour, to your dog. But when we're like that, he gets real introverted so it's the other way around. At one point a girl, who i had jovially wished a happy 2007 a few minutes ago, came back and asked if we wanted to sit with her in her VIP-booth. Of course we went! She was there with her girlfriend and two other boys, also a gay couple. They were all from yugoslavia and croatia but lived in Frankfurt. Free drinks and cigs, but i stuck to water;-) At one point, the girl who asked me got jealous of me and her girl chatting away, the other girl started crying, and the gay guys were just being apathic. But we just couldn't get ourselves to leave, we were so out of it! I gave my number but they haven't called; what a suprise;-) In the end we had a pretty decent time and we didn't go to sleep 'till 2 pm.

The week after that i was miserable, i couldn't eat, threw up when i tried and had constant flashbacks. It was hell, but my boyfriend took such good care of me: i'm eternally grateful. The good thing about all this is that my boyfriend and i decided this was it for us. We quit smoking and i'm putting my kite away for good. No more flying for me. I've been doin' it, recreationally, for 11 years now and i can honestly say i've had enough. It's boring the shit outta me; i've seen it all; the so-called-party-friends, the fake-flying-sex and especially the aftermath; it's just not worth it. I also HATE that my IQ drops 40 points in about an hour after i pop it. Let's move on in 2007!

This is me. 32-year old, mother of 1 and living in Europe. Going through life with one hell of a man, lots of love for my family and a pretty tight circle of mismatched friends. Very self-confident even though I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! (more)